When your words just aren't enough..

When fighting through the pain just doesnt seem possible..

When it's not your turn to cry..

When your faith seems pointless

When you are disappointed time and time again..

When you just want to scream

When you want to give up..

There is Jesus... Standing by your side! Never will He leave you! Until He has done what he has spoken to you!!

Jesus, be the centre, be my hope, be my song... <3

I could try to write a novel
I could even try to write a poem,

but I cant even try to express in a sentence how I feel

all I know is I'm scared
and lonely again

where do I go from here?

Year Two...

year two..
everything is still the same
the world goes by
day by day

I miss you

I remember the way you walked
I remember the way you smelt
I remember how you used to kiss me goodnight

I miss you

I remember the mornings we would snuggle in your bed
(the sleepovers werent the same without it)
I remember the games you used to play with us
(like it was yesterday)

I miss you

I remember the flowers and how you used to water them
(your house always had the best)
I remember making crafts with you
(secretly I think mom loved them more than she let on)

I miss you

I remember you had to take your teeth out at night
(someday I wanted to have to do it too)
I remember "hupa-hupa-rightaa" and taking turns being on your lap
(I hated that part)

I miss you

I remember you would never complain, even if the pain was unbearable
(you didnt want us to see you like that)
I remember your hugs
(you started to get thinner and thinner)

I miss you

I remember 2 years ago sitting in your hospital room
(I left because I couldnt stand to see you like that)
I remember leaving and saying "I love you Opa"
(you responded through the pain.. "Ich liebe dich" - I love you in German)

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

everyday
every minute
every second

I know you are with Jesus now
but it is hard for me to not miss you
I love you very much
you taught me true love
someday I hope I make you proud
someday I hope I can be like you
someday I hope I can love like you did
someday I hope I will see you again

♥

"I loved who I got to be with him.
Even though I didn't do anything amazing, for me it was.
I felt like I knew myself for the first time."

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that, because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday."

This is me swallowing my pride
standing in front of you saying
I'm sorry for that night.

I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom is nothing but missing you
wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I go back to December turn around and make it alright

I go back to December all the time

"waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought.

Useless and disappointing."

I'm not sure I can deal with this anymore
I've tried to give it up,
but somehow the way you walk,
the way you talk,
the constant struggle for attention
makes me physically ill when I'm arround you.

I dont want to feel this way towards you
I'm not sure how to forgive you though
It makes me so angry
I can barely stand to look at you.
The pain and the hurt from times before
the arrogance in the way you carry yourself

you had better not make a mistake
the world is watching you now
your posse will not show you grace
you're their leader
once you screw up
we all know where you will go.
I'm just waiting for the day.

talking about you hurts

not talking about you hurts even more