struggling with loneliness has been something ive dealt with my whole life..
today i was lonely for the first time in about 2 months.
im not sure wether to praise God for not being alone for that time,
or being mad that the feelings came back.
it felt wierd, the emptiness
but safe at the same time.
me all alone in the world..
it was safe, but not what i wanted.
i know i have you now.
thank you for tonight.
you saved me from myself.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but
I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

sent a letter today.

dont know what the response will be.

except a smile hopefully across a face that really deserved it.

I LOVE YOU

I'M SCARED

that i wont be there

I'M SCARED

that you will hate me

I'M SCARED

that you will leave me

I'M SCARED

that ill lose my other friends because of you

I'M SCARED

that ill hurt you

I'M SCARED

that ill give away your secrets

I'M SCARED

that i wont be with you forever

I'M SCARED

that something will come between us

I'M SCARED

that ill dissappoint you

**i promise to be with you, and try my hardest to not let any of this happen.

*** I LOVE YOU

**** you dont get told that enough. ♥

All My life...

this has happend.

im tired of it.

MAKE IT STOP

needing to get away..
to go to a place where no one else exists,

to see the look on an orphans face
when they see you for the first time,

when you give them a little piece of your heart,
somehow they fill your heart with joy
and break it at the same time..

you love them,
you love someone you dont even know.

someone that knows you care,
without you even saying a word.

thats what true love is,
thats how you know you are loved.
thats how we find out who we are.
and what we are about.

somehow your past means nothing,
somehow every mistake is erased.

They dont care.

you love them
and through that they will see Jesus.

your past is nothing
your mistakes are gone.

Jesus is here

this trip is for them..
but it is also for me,

ill be broken,
ill be hurt,
ill be angry,
ill be annoyed..

but ill be whole when i come back.
I NEED THIS
I NEED YOU

7 days out of reality...
seems like a pretty good deal.

7 days to act like nothing ever happend
to be in a new home.

7 days.

thats how long ill be gone,
trying to push the memories out of my mind.

trying to get the images to leave.
trying to remember that im in this place for a reason.
trying to be strong.

i want it all to go away,
i just dont want to deal with this anymore..

7 days away,
7 days... nothing will change.

today i was scared.
scared for my life.
i know im not finished here.
or else i would be gone.

which didnt seem like a bad idea.
besides missing my friends and family.

i know you have a plan for me God..
please show me what it is.