the list:

- loves God with his whole heart
- loves me for who I am
- Caring
- Sensitive yet manly
- loves family
- good with children
- supporting
- generous
- Trustworthy
- Sense of Humor
- Musical
- Active
- has a good job


*list subject to change** more things may be added...

When I first started blogging, it was about me, and my journey of trying to figure out this thing we call life. Its hard to believe that was nearly 2 years ago. It seems like just yesterday when I was filled with hatred and sadness for random people that were walking down the street. Sometimes Ill admit, I feel the same way that I did 2 years ago. The same feelings that I felt then about how I wanted nothing to do with anyone, come rushing back. I know that I have you know. I know its a new year, a new season... a new day. I know that you will be there when I turn around and see no one. Its hard to see you, sometimes I think I do in some way, shape or form. You are my rock.

You always kept me by your side.

post secret:

Today I stayed home and hung curtains in my room.

It taught me that maybe I dont need you.

Maybe I can do this on my own.

He already knows

We were all friends
she lied, cheated me, stole things that I worked hard to get
she minipulated the situation so that I always looked like the bad guy
she made you love her more than you do me
what else is new though?
it seems that is always how she treated me
I have reason to believe she always will
I love you very much
you were like a little brother to me
I never judged you
and in return you never judged me
when I was hurting you were the first person that I would call
its all different now
I rarely see you
IT HURTS
you talk to her and not me
IT HURTS
you are a different person
IT HURTS
you are more like her
IT HURTS
do you even see me?
do you even care?
all I want to do is wrap my arms around you
tell you how the things you are going through are just gonna hurt you
she encourages you to keep doing them
all i wanna do is pray with you
make sure you are thinking straight
she doesnt care what you feel like, its all about her
all i wanna do is love you
but IT HURTS too much

Secrets

Secrets of hurting people...
Secrets that most of us identify with...


*Do you know how bad it hurts when I walk past you in the hallways and you act like I'm nothing?
How I told you how I felt and you just blew it off?
It hurts badly.
No one understands why it does, but I do.
And I know you do too.
Was it so hard for you just to say "I don't love you."?

*Megan, I know you read this site every day.
Please stop cutting.
I don't know what will make you stop, but a lot of people see them.
We're all scared.
We're not as close as we used to be, but I still love you.
Please, please, stop cutting.

*A lot of people comment on how I smile so often.
I put on a smile because I'm waiting for someone to see through it and see my grief, and give me the hug I've been waiting for.
Especially him.

*I have Cystic Fibrosis.
Because it's hard to digest food, I'm extremely underweight.
Whenever I go to the pool and see a bigger girl in a swim suit I get jealous.
I wish my swim suit didn't sag and look bad.
To all the bigger girls who are uncomfortable with their bodies:
You are beautiful. I promise.